OUR RIVALRY - OTTAWA, CANADA
In November, 2009 Mustaches for Kids Ottawa, Canada's flagship chapter, raised $32,000 (Canadian) for a local children's charity. We were impressed by their efforts so we reached out to our neighbors to the north with a word of encouragement and also to open a dialogue. What we got in response was nothing short of an international incident. The insolent Canadians were offended that the small town of Omaha would bother them. They thought Omaha was named after a beach. If they had just insulted our steak and our women we could have probably gotten over it, but when they said that Cornhusker football was our "National Shame" that's where we draw the line.
We will not let them take hockey gold and mustache supremacy. We are now growing for the pride of all Nebraskans. Therefore, we have set the bold goal of raising $33,000 (American). We are a just and courteous people, but we will not let those backbacon-eating hosers disrespect our football team. Or our women.
Here is an excerpt from their vitriol-filled e-mail:
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" . . . we're just glad one of you has e-mail, we were pretty sure you didn't have the internet in farm country. We applaud your effourts to help children, but growing moustaches is probably not for you. Maybe you could try to have some kind of competitive eating contest or cut-off jean shorts boutique, something you would be better at than trying to grow moustaches. Your moustaches are going to be as pathetic as your economy, your steak, and your tree holiday. I Googled Nebraska and it said you invented Arbor Day. You must be so proud!! Ottawa is the capital of the greatest country in the world, but thanks for tree day. Also, enjoy your socialized medicine, we do." |
And so, our goal this year is to top $33,000 for the honor of not only Omaha, but the United States of America. So the next time you order pizza, order it with regular, American bacon.
